The Red Light:
Do Dreams Lay Bare Our Truths?
Our break up wasn't exactly mutual. Really, it was my fault things couldn't work out; I was way too focused on my career; my time was prioritized over his time; and love just wasn't something I needed to make me complete. It just wasn't meant to be...for right now, anyway.
As you do, I worked through why I'd come to the decision, partially to cleanse myself of any worry that I'd done 'the wrong thing.' I laid out my points, told him I still loved him, and hoped that we could be friends. For weeks, I was good....until I had this dream that I cannot shake.
I stood on the end of a long train platform, the type that's open-air, sparsely lit, and smells like exhaust from the last Amtrak train that ran through it. There was little movement, a person here and there. Everything was still. After a few moments, I peered down the platform and saw my ex in his favorite skinny jeans, those ratty sneakers that he loved, a light blue sweater with a collar peeking out underneath. I didn't want to say anything to him, I just wanted to watch him in his own thoughts.
Slowly, not aburptly, I was awash in a red light. It came from just above the train platform -- maybe an exit light, maybe a telephone booth light, you never know with dreams. Just as I recognized it, he looked my way.
My ex scrambled to pick up his backpack, shuffled it across his shoulder and hurried to exit the station. He never turned back to me again, as I stood there waiting for a word, or an acknowledgement. Nothing.
I woke up reeling. Was he frightened of me? Did he hate me? Why the red light...did I make the error? And what are all the things we would've said? Because he's blocked me across social platforms and will not respond to my requests for time, I won't know.
They say dreams allow you to unpack and compartmentalize your subconscious. Awash in red light, my subconcious told me that things between us are still unclean.
PostedOct 16, 2015